not the river, but the dam
i only have stop in my vocabulary;
but i see the cracks
the water pushing through
you yelling cannon ball
as you squeeze through my arms;
it’s okay on this side
but over there
i can’t catch you
Tag: Connection
torx
i find myself closer to the bottom of the tool box
used only in extreme cases
every once in awhile
but forgotten when everything is good;
i get it
when the roof isn’t leaking
the drawer rolls perfectly
i belong in the tool box
just wanted to be more
green screen
i love the way
you exist in this world with a smile;
dark clouds only over the horizon
your temprate ignites that darkness
leaving your forecast clear and sunny-
others will call it a fake
a green screen over everything
but i’ve been in that studio
they haven’t seen the production
your light cultivates;
grateful in hazel;
back back
you waaaay in the back
i’ve seen you before
not there or here your
the one that called me brown boy at school
i haven’t forgotten, but i am sure you have
it didn’t bother me because it was true
the way your friends laughed didn’t bother me
they were on your side, your team, your family
what hurt was that you are brown too,
was your brown- different? better?
like you went to an appraisal
they said you were faithful grateful in hazel
and i unstable;
like your brown was better then mine
i was the dirty that was ruining your good name;
and now i see you in the back of the room
looking at me with your hazel eyes
i’m sorry i was the dirt on the bottom of your shoes
for you were the worry on my pages;
i envyed your brown so i chased it
only to find me here talking to you
the one piggy that got away
raised with bricks
stacked high with a peep hole
just can barely see out
cold stays in
life stays out-
this was fine
no really i prefered it this way
all the big bads would come
brothers and sisters dissapear
but i was good;
pretended not to hear their screams
pretended not to care
pretended not to be home
that keeps me up at night
they rebuild out there
and i’m still in here waiting
for
something;
if they can’t get in
how can i get out
seems air tight
so how am i still breathing
a dream of butterflys
shattering these bricks like glass
i’ll be gone- so fucking gone
maybe to find those taken
those that never had a chance
or to feel everything that i could only dream of;
i hear the big bads coming again
they can’t stop them
all i have our ears preparing for horror
it’s safe here
it’s safe here
memory lane-
when you walked through that door
that door;
i fell
down
down
i remember my eyes opening
and never waking up
a dream
a dream so real i remember the smell of your hair
the sun on my arms
i remember it all;
like it happened yesterday
i don’t know if that day ever ended
i hope not;
participation trophy; one for the grave
you matched and won
i’ll never forget that
you showed
deflated;
fates and twisted humanity
they go together like target and panera
every corner;
but ill tell our kids-
you showed when everyone pointed and questioned
you fucking tried;
more then they can say
return address
when i think about it
the world spins in the opposite direction
it’s fine i mean, she is her own women
but which star is receiving
for when i pray i know your wonderous name
send flowers and wishes for the future
mines and yours
i’m not the monster they said
not the one i was supposed to be
or the one you heard i was
i survived against
your brother in flames
you sister in tears
your mother digging a shallow grave
but i plead to you
watch our shadows closely
we wander off the rift
every no and then
but we will walk up straight
find our way
in your eyes
so maybe a cane for the shakey path
a jacket for the questionable weather
a stamp for this letter that one day will come to you
window watcher
all through a window
safe and secure
nothing gets to you
but i see it in your eyes
crave the touch of skin
it’s not a sin
to open up and let it in
open up
and let it in
seeing double:
every step is a step forward
forward not always straight
straight enough with a slight angle
angle that will dwell on for days
days we can’t get back
back of the line we’ve been here for hours
hours i’ve been counting
counting on someone to throw me a bone
bone that no one will throw me
me exhausted on my third drink
drink to the bottom feels full
full enough to try again
again
Saint's Muse 