Writing, Ideas, & Stories
i walked a line
that was drawn for me
words were not my friend i found comfort in the arms of another
before the pen was my pillow
i needed you to find the center of a tootsie roll pop
i couldn’t rely on my own will
on my own path
on my own words
bleeding was just casual
love was always occasionally
direction was always running in after the bell rang on a monday morning with one shoe and no backpack;
always after the test was done-
always after the she found another-
always too late
you bring out the best in me:
when you are around, i wear my shiniest shoes
my best shirt always tucked in and a clean jacket-
i walk in a straight line
when we go out to dinner i pull out your chair
i always pay the fare loving you is all too rare
you support all my endeavours
i’ll give a dollar you’ll give two
when i made my debut
it was you
sitting in the front row ready for a show
and you’ll tell me it was great-
and all i remember were your cheers
you break down all of my fears
like clockwork you are all of my gears
i’ll never leave your side, you can have all of my years
chances are
i have seen the worlds true colors
bright amber in the morning
dusk ivy in the evening-
greed only calls in the night
at the door past 2am-
uses her key, the one i gave all those years ago
the smell of her perfume send me clawing at the wall
she’ll leave the next morning –
blood fresh under her fingernails, heels in her relaxed fingers
and the amber rays will watch the flesh
heal on the day
makin’ the day
feelin’ the day
here for the day.
i have known you
walked with you
seen you walk through fire and get burned
but you believed you wouldn’t-
i have seen others walk the same
but i put worship in your bowl
i thought you were immune
but you are human like the rest of us
skin on your bones love and hate in your heart
balanced- in your eyes i see you have
changed.
not the same fluff in your step
but i envy you
not everyone could have taken that leap into a world of question
so i leave the worship in your bowl
i think you will get through the fire
next time-
i need you-
i don’t understand why that is so hard to admit,
i am someone who won’t ask for help
even when everything is flooded and i’ve lost an oar
and when no one else is coming or can even see the water
you; but with you, you i need around,
the feel of your hands on mine
leaves a chill down my spine
the soft voice echoing, saying everything will be alright
lips on my ear, everything will be alright
you are the other oar when i am drowning
when the day is beautiful;
and the day is ours to enjoy
and i am never drowning
there is something special
about being needed-
knowing that you make someones day
just by doing something little
that a small task can turn make their week
i long for it
going on a trip and i want to be marked essential
not that i have potential and more than influential
pick me up and don’t put me down
i am-
i am
and it is always me
caught in the darkest corner of my mind
wandering aimlessly destroying the structure that wasn’t
in the last invasion claiming the lives of more innocent thoughts-
i can put down the knife but i can’t hide it
when i am not looking, i will continue to cut and stab and kill
until this home is a crime scene;
there are only a few calm moments
a voice that sends me, the other me
running- running to a place i have yet to evict
to a place he calls home that has it all put together
but
when i am gone:
picket fence repainted
door mat dusted
time for books to be placed back on the shelf
photo albums rebound
dinner in the oven
albums placed next to the sega genesis
and
i
can
breathe
statue once
turned into a tree in broad day light
on broad street
public art they called it
splattered across all headlines-
now i stand, waiting
just waiting for something to change in the stars or the weather
or a god to have pity (any god)
but they are why i am a tree
right-
posing, wishing for rain to comfort
my heels fell in abusive clay
sporting pink buds
littered cigarette buds
and i am standing
here
on broad street
growing flowers as finger nails
watching children grow
feeling their toes
now only a dream
steady hand
the god with the steadiest and he never misses
truth sight and a bond issued
we waited our turn for something this real
love this real
not the temporary they handout to appease you
they can’t be the one to please you
cupid has not found your one;
number forty-two thousand and ninety three-
hoping it is our turn, i will finally have my number called
not this year
or the next
others picked what seems at random
what is it that they have but not i
challenge them for the love that i believe to deserve
enough is enough and temporary handouts it is enough
they don’t deserve this as much as i
will hold hands in line together
and wait for our chance;
chance is-
we get a second chance with another life
a god puts quarters into a game
and we reboot in a new body
new memories new family new lovers
in that life i never touch a pen
i carry a ball and a glove
a gun and knife
a purse and a baby-
maybe-
we live in the shadow of our god
the one pushing quarters to give us life
and we chase the same love they look for
and that’s why i always find myself in your arms
