i found the answer

at the bottom of the bottle

like they all told me

the answer was;

keep diving

swim and swim

till standing feels like falling and falling is me with a helmet snorkeling in a tub filled with rubber duckies

and i can no longer stand

scraping the back of my leg

trying to climb back into my head

can feel me scaling my back like the side of a mountain

trying to get back into the command center – in the center of it all

watching as the brain dead empty vessel drowns himself

in peer acknowledgements

follow this at the top of his fingers

dancing quarters and flipping cups

beaten into a handstand submission

and a loud drive home,

written and erased

hundreds of words forgotten

the oceans tide beats on my back

laid out on the sun the kids called me a starfish

i have written lines in the sand

so they exist for a moment

a poem or a song i carry with me

now surfing on the waves- free

i can see them smiling

i have kept them in cages with no windows for years

i needed to take them out for a walk

before work in the morning

spent two on a dime

not drugs not women

two dollars on a dime

it was lucky

linked with a chain and we share birthdays

and the other day

it went on an adventure

got some tacos

found love

wrote a poem

lost love

found love again

got more tacos

went bowling

tried the new italian place on creek because you heard it was the best spot in the city

saw a play

kiss goodnight

and came back to me

with a story

a story of effort when the jug was less than half full

more than half silenced by a laugh

i will be laughed at for losing a dollar eighty

but will tell our stories our way

falling is the only way

to know there is a bottom

the stairs up are narrow

slippery and cracked

and the fall down will hurt

to the point you will believe every bone is broken

but we will still climb

we can see the light

we can still climb tonight

we can see the light