A lot of the time

I don’t know what I’m doing.

On the train reading Iliad realizing I’ve never held a spear-

fought for something bigger then I-

no I couldn’t imagine what that power would feel like

I would just say the steel tip drew blood

quicker then the pen could spill ink.

maybe it was poor choice of words

maybe- am I holding the right spear?

Keyboard warrior

fighting for the little guy

for me who couldn’t say a word

for someone like me now, struggling

this is your spear.

I do not blame you

left the door wide open

treats on the door step

clutter in the bedroom.

I basically asked you

told you to get the fuck out

I need you here

but I do not deserve you

you could be solving global warming

curing cancer

writing the next great manuscript

not worrying about what page I am on

did I send out those poems

did you pick up the dog from the groomers

(shit)

 

The world needs you

it would be selfish-

to keep that door closed

 

but, I will not close it behind you

selfish or not

I will watch you

rule this world

and I will write about it.

We watched the sun set-

it won’t be the last time either-

yet, either reality or responsibillity will break this spell

it’s one of those knock off spells

the lasting five minutes type-

but i buy them everytime

just to see the rays surround your eye lids

to watch your hair brush back without your hands

i fill up my mental sd card everytime.

it was a cracked mirror-

saw him from across the room

drapped in cape and valor

emblem across his chest- a Fleur

and i hit the floor.

dropped to get a glimpse

up so close i need to get a pic

his identity a secret, loved ones waiting at home

maybe no loved ones

a treasure by night

a martyr by day

and he was standing right here but

it was a cracked mirror-

not who i thought it was at all.

took a day or two but the mirror is gone

replaced by his poster,

have to get his autograph,

another day.

I don’t got a reason to lie, that’s the truth from the sky

just stayin’ up long enough to breathe now its time to take leave

blowin’ away like leaves payin’ fees bitchin’ about that light breeze

fuckin’ on a sunday- and we finish prayer on the way home.

Back on my shit again and this is my jam

called it out get back in line get with the program

I’m only keepin’ good company

I am not talkin’ to you if you don’t have love for me.

 

Movin’ aside- oh wait thats you

you’re in my way of me and my crew

you’re such a monday and my friday ass won’t fuck with you

this is the debut

Follow me- I know the way

Yeah, you know you better stand

everybody got money, get the band together

movin’ like you can’t stand the weather

but it ain’t gon’ rain always.

 

i do not believe you-

the truth labeled across your forehead

only after caught with dripping hands

do not bother walking over that threshold

you are no longer welcome walking over me

i caught you

the lingering aroma

the paw prints on your shoulder and back

did you enjoy the zoo?

brought some souvenirs with you

verified parking stamp

and a pressed penny

glad you had a good time

now walk your ass back there

and see if it’s open past midnight.

i dropped my pen

down a sewer drain

i never heard it land

swarmed in shadows

hugged tight like a loved one

down a hole to a place of wonder.

a place where you are here

dinner just ended

and when i leave

you will kiss me:

kiss me like i am off to war

like you have not touched lips in a decade

like you find the taste of love at the tips of mine and that is the sweetest pie

like you have found that special factor and it’s here.

 

that pen is probably gone

but i have another

and i will finish that wonderland

when you discover

how weak you are

every pebble can break your bones

but you’ll value every stint

shield wall

hugs

that’ll stop

every little pebble

coming tomorrow

i

i do not know where the door is-

been locked in this cell for

an uncountable amount of time

and i lost the bars

light stopped pouring in

and i lost my hands

the lifelessness became rare

and i lost my mind

you should be here

it wasn’t supposed to be like this

the warmth of your core, melted me.

So far apart the burn marks have faded

i am here you are there we’re so isolated

when did everything turn and become so jaded.

i don’t know

just a little while ago we sang a different tune

did it on our own needed no help no auto-tune

and i hold our mark

still on my wrist- i see you everyday

maybe i enjoy the whips across my back.

waitin’ for the torch to come back

it’s been winter for far to long